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We all know that sales guy (or gal). Maybe it’s someone you do business with. Maybe it’s a colleague. Or maybe it’s you! We invite you to laugh along with us and see how much of yourself you recognize in this list.

1. You have “Click here to set up a meeting” in your email signature.

2. You have Glengarry Glen Ross playing in an endless loop in your Netflix favorites.

3. You checked your email for sales communications at least 5 times during breakfast this morning.

4. You listen to  Grant Cardone while you work out.

5. You think inside sales is more than a role or organization…it’s a lifestyle.

6. There is no distinction between your Outlook calendar and personal calendar.

7. You wear a lot of cologne every day because you never know when you might run into a new prospect.

8. You never met a sales dashboard you didn’t like.

9. You don’t know who’s more inspiring, Alec Baldwin or Daniel Pink.

10. You’ve ever sent an email saying, “Let me buy you lunch” or “A gift card for your time.”

11. You’ve ever sent an email saying, “If there is someone else this email should be directed to, please put me in touch with that person.”

12. You’ve ever sent an email saying, “I’d like to set up a brief phone call to discuss…”

13. You’ve ever sent an email saying, “Re: my voice mail” while forwarding the previous message you sent.

14. “Turn Down for What” is you’re anthem.

15. You use ToutApp and the Salesforce Outlook plugin… religiously.

16. You don’t abandon a sales prospect until everyone in the company has rejected you.

17. Don’t take ‘no’ for an answer.

18. Try regularly to break your own dialing records.

19. Think responding to a hot new lead in fewer than 5 minutes is taking it too slow.

20. You consume motivational quotes more than coffee and Red Bull.

21. You compliment a prospect’s golf game even if their ball spends more time in the sand than David Hasselhoff.

22. You can recite elevator pitches and write outbound email cadences in your sleep (and have).

23. You call former colleagues as soon as they land at new companies to try to work the next deal.

24. You’ve never met an objection you couldn’t handle … or didn’t want to add to your encyclopedia of objection responses.

25. You know it doesn’t mean anything until you got that ink.

26. You think DocuSign is the best invention since the toaster.

27. You don’t believe in email ‘off’ hours.

28. You think 24 hours in a day, 30 days in a month and 4 quarters in a year are not enough.

29. Your close rates can always go up.

30. You love rejection because it gets closer to the right one.

31. You have a tear-off calendar of inspirational quotes on your desk.

32. You recite mantras in yourself in your mirror every day.

33. You’ve channeled your inner Tom Cruise/Jerry Maguire and said “Help me … help you!” to a prospect more than once.

34. Your energy drink budget is bigger than your cell phone bill.

35. You spend more time on LinkedIn than teenage girls do on Facebook.

36. Breaking plan is not an occasional challenge, but a way of life.

37. You go to happy hours chiefly to grow your professional network.

38. You think holidays are for the weak.

39. You think about email subject lines the way Plato considered the nature of reality … and test them like a mad scientist.

40. You work hot leads the way Emeril whips up hot dinner plates: With unceasing action and excellence.

41. You think every meeting/phone call is the Super Bowl … and nobody remembers losers.

42. You will never read In Praise of Slowness.



The Sales Quant

About The Sales Quant

A champion of B2B sales and marketing alignment and brand audience development, Jeff is passionate about leveraging content, technology and data to enable challenger organizations to accelerate sales and realize extraordinary growth. As the CEO of Madison, Michigan and Market, and the Publisher of SalesQuants, Jeff is a resource to both Sales Executives and CMOs because he understands the dynamics of their relationship.